MRI Horoscope

People love hearing about themselves. That's why they read horoscopes and go to fortune tellers, palm readers or psychologists. Everyone knows those things are hoaxes, but we convince ourselves otherwise. Why? Because we LOVE to hear about ourselves. We love it when people can "look inside us" and reveal to us our inner mysteries.1

But this is 2009! Why are we still resorting to mysticism and magic to explain "Why We Are the Way We Are"? We may not know everything about brain science, but we do know a whole hell of a lot. We can stick someone in an fMRI and actually watch different parts of their brain light up in response to different stimuli.

To give a layman example, you can put someone in an MRI, show them a picture of their loved-one. You'll watch certain areas of the prefrontal cortex spring to life, indicating that the person is experiencing the emotion of "affection". But maybe areas of the limbic system light up, too, like the amygdala, indicating a response of aggression.

That's the general idea. Someone with more knowledge of neuroscience than me could draft a more accurate reading of the MRI results.

So this is the service: For a nice chunk of change, we'll throw you in an MRI and look at your brain. While you're in there, we'll present visual and aural stimuli. When you come out, we'll give you a detailed report about your own brain.

The technicians who run this thing don't have to be doctors: they're just trained to evaluate the readings and do the consultation with the patient. You go home with a better understanding of your own brain, and even a video of the session. What could be more satisfying to the ego than knowing about your own brain?

Awesome business.

Furthermore, the results could probably be useful to science. A large collection of data would be acquired by running these experiments day after day. This information would be compiled, and it would provide valuable statistical data for certain types of brain research.

1The median expected salary for a typical psychologist in the United States is $77,973.
Can't afford it? Find a friend who's patient enough to listen to you talk about yourself. It'll do you the same amount of good, and it's free!